A lesson learned

The difference between the people in Las Vegas compared to the people in Seattle: While las Vegas has really whack, confused, and fake people loathing about, Seattle just has leaching, pretentious, uncaring people. Snakes, I like to call them, Snakes.

all my life i've been this lonely boy

those are lyrics from a song done by Vincent Gallo for the Buffalo '66 film.
Well, those lyrics are true to me because looking back, when haven't I been alone? Now, being here in seattle, I spend more time alone...alone...alone...alone...alone. Wandering. I'm a lone wolf when I don't want to be. Alone...alone...alone. All this is driving me crazy.

Still

I don't know what it is lately but I've been feeling extremely depressed but I'm not sure why.

If ever

If ever life takes you for a spin, it was a message saying you had options to pick from. If ever you leave love, know you can always pick it up again. If ever one dies, one will be born, but if ever life is wasted, one cannot be gained nor made up for. Take on anything, just don't die without a story. Life isn't measured in minutes, but in moments.
- Me.

Fuck

What have I done? What am I doing? My actions ruin everything. When will I learn?

My Status # 2

Well, it's Novemeber. My birthday comes in a couple weeks. I miss my family - but met great friends to warm my heart.Im in fear of faith, I hate knowing my birthday is coming up. Like usual i'm impatiant as ever to get to my goals but I gotta live with the idea that "Time takes time". In reality; I just dont want some asshole in las vegas to think I gave up. Fuck that. Fuck them. If it takes a year to get them done, so be it. At least I didn't give up. Well, time is running up on this public library computer so I got to end this. Speaking of which, I NEED a computer!! Woody Guthrie once said it as simple as possible "I Ain't dead yet" and with that - neither am I.

Haley

Haley


The time is two in the afternoon and I'm seated waiting inside the Ontario Cafe for another date with Haley. She's running late and although I hate waiting, I promised her she had no reason to worry, I’d wait for her. As I sit there, I begin to reflect on Haley, who she is, where she's from, and what makes Haley, Haley.

Haley, by the age of twenty had her fair share of men and been through many serious relationships. Along with her share of men -came a fair share of verbal and objective abuse. Men had always been her problem. By the age of twenty-one, her body had been tattered and her soul torn. Haley walked with a head up high but at any given moment she was a bomb ready to rage. Now, for some reason, she’s coming to me- as if I could ever tilt the long line of undeserving men she’s had under her belt, she’s now come to me.

Haley’s life is one that most dread, far from the “American Dream”, far from that white picked fence life painted in our minds left to believe its true, only leaving you to face the grim reality. Her mother - a cashier at the local Wal-Mart who worked a full 9-5 shift to maintain a roof over her offspring’s heads, her sister a twenty-year old ex-heroine addict with a two year old baby, a younger sister whose a mystery to her own family, and a slapdash father who in the summer of 2002, had taken off - leaving Haley’s mother to raise all three girls on her own. To make up for his poor parenting, he paid child support and bought each of them birthday gifts and Christmas gifts annually – something Haley’s mother could hardly afford to do. Haley would later discover her father had been having an affair for seven years and planned to re-marry in the summer of 2003.

“Hey! I’m so sorry I’m late! I didn’t mean to take so -” said Haley, finally arriving. “Don’t worry about it! It’s okay.” I replied. We ordered our coffee and Haley when about telling me of her day. As the conversation proceeded, she gradually spilled her dreams and goals out to me. Haley for several years had worked on searching for an artistic niche, from photography to painting, music and so forth; all proved she had not one artistic bone in her body. When realizing this, she leaned towards those who did, believing she’d find some sort of spiritual inspiration. The problem was, most of the people she leaned towards to; all used her in one way or sexual other. Haley had one thing going for her; she was gifted with a body chipped to perfection. All the right portions were in place, beautiful porcelain skin; she had every body trait a model could dream of, but by now, after the several years of abuse by several men; Haley build an immense of amount of insecurity and little confidence, which in return, prevented any success as a model.

As I drank my coffee, I listened closely to Haley, and here or there I’d provide advice. She left no thought out of our conversation but as she went on, I couldn’t help to think about all the chances she missed, all she could have possibly been, and who she would be now if only she’d had the right cards drawn. When she finished, I replied “I’m sure you can do it” and although I had a head full of doubt, I hoped that one day, all my doubts about Haley, all would come back to bite me and she’d prove me wrong. The End.

"Haley"- (A thought I had for a while) of 10/22/2008

COMPLAINS about SEATTLE

1) Parking is impossible to find
2) Hide your Cigarettes!!! If one person see's you with a cigarette, you better be ready to share.
3) Beggars. At first I had sympathy, but now it's just too much. WHAT THE FUCK people? GET A FUCKING JOB. I can't help everyone when I can hardly afford to help myself.
4) Everyone is a DJ. Good luck trying to listen to your music in peace, because theres always someone who feels they know what the best song in the world is.

Let us not forget

while theres an important election at rise, there's still freaks walking the streets:

Yeah? You feel it too?

This election is almost near, the vote must be made and there’s no hesitation in my mind - it'd be a god damn lie in your part to disagree - that there will be many who will enter those poles still undecided. As they pick their candidate of liking, within their hearts a sinking feeling of tension will begin to boil due to their conscious feeling uneasy for they may feel their vote isn't towards the right candidate. Some doubt will continue to roam, but who knows what the future may hold with either of the two candidates – Did anyone predict what would happen when Bush entered office? Did anyone predict he’d get another 4 years after office? Hell, if I traveled through time eight years back and told you of all the events this country would be facing, you’d call me a lunatic! God only knows where our nation’s path will steer within the next four years, but one thing stands clear; indecision is in the air. By far, this has been the most jaded election I’ve witnessed. Tons of fingers have been pointed towards issues that don’t concern the well being of our nation, plenty of topics I’ve yet to ever been discussed, and through TV, the internet, and Radio, it’s easy for the… yes, I’m going to say it, the Stupid to make their minds up so quickly. If anything, this election will be determined on who’s the less ignorant in our class system of people. I for one know who I’ll be voting for but when I do it, I plan to go to church – which I haven’t done in years – pray for a while, then cast my vote. If all goes to shit, count on me to tell you I told you so.

JESUS FUCK!

Man, it feels good to see this website.
My ipone doesn't work on this site and my roomates laptop is all kinds of fucked up.
I love blogging though, it's a strange addiction and it feels great to lay out all you've got to say....publicly.
Well...I still haven't got a job and this has become my number one stress. I'm losing it. I also need to sleep a lot earlier because I can't be missing the whole day and staying up the whole night. it's just not healthy.

The status 09/29/2008

So far the status of my being has been in the following:
Everything is starting to hit me.
-I truly miss my Family, all of them.
-I'm still getting accustomed to this cold weather, unlike Las Vegas, NV, which is HOT.
-I have lost several pounds since I've been in Seattle. It's starting to show.
-I DO NOT miss Las Vegas, NV. At all...not one bit.
- The events going on in the world and especially in our country have become too immense for me to swallow. It's hard to keep up with all the bullshit going on, I mean, it's making me sick, sad, and lightheaded. I can't handle it, I don't know what to make out of any of this. It’s pure angst , discouraging me more and more in believing in this country and whether or not we’re going to be okay, because what’s the point in shooting for goals if we’re not?
- I keep reminiscing about a time I was in Love and how I came from that to this, how I miss her, how I miss the feeling she brought me-being in a relationship I cared about-having her-having someone to really care about, how stupid I was to fuck it all up, How I wish I had the mind I have now and had it back then, and how I'd do anything in my power – No! I’d do anything in the world, to have her back. It’s funny what something like this can do to a man, it can really ruin him.
- I'm really lonesome here throughout the week (during the weekend this appartment becomes a party house and after the party is over it seems to turn into a shelter for kids with no where to go). I was somewhat lonely in Las Vegas and years back, I even said to myself that I'm bound to be alone, because I had the notion that I always was. Now, I’m starting to believe it's true.
- I've had several interviews and I still don't have a job. It's becoming really annoying and some what discouraging to sit in this apartment waiting for a name to give a call, looking up jobs online or hoping there's an email of opportunity. PLUS having a phone that does not work out here isn't exactly helping my cause.
- I guess this adds to being lonely but aside from not having a job it's also an issue of this moment but; I really want someone to hold. I don't have that here in Seattle. Not yet at least. I'm wondering why. But in some circles, I’ve been feeling really unattractive lately, I don’t know I’, I’m going through a psychological stress period or not but it’s just how I’ve felt…

Music to my Ears

I made a new playlist. Theres more than enough music and it is a little bit sloppy with artists scattared all around, but for now, this will have to do till I fix it up some more.

Superjail!

Last night, Adult Swim premiered Superjail! Holy shit man!! This cartoon was amazing! Its chock full of gory Violence, all kinds of odd characters, it's strange and witty, and the method of animation gives it a distinctive great look, as if were something coming out of the early 90's - late 80's. This is a cartoon on Adult Swim I’m definitely going to keep watching and you should too. Check it out!!

The best Ideas

All my best ides happen during that process of falling asleep. One thought leads to another and suddenly I have a great movie idea or a writing piece that would be great to have down on paper. However, all I do is fall asleep and forget all about the next morning.