The status 09/29/2008

So far the status of my being has been in the following:
Everything is starting to hit me.
-I truly miss my Family, all of them.
-I'm still getting accustomed to this cold weather, unlike Las Vegas, NV, which is HOT.
-I have lost several pounds since I've been in Seattle. It's starting to show.
-I DO NOT miss Las Vegas, NV. At all...not one bit.
- The events going on in the world and especially in our country have become too immense for me to swallow. It's hard to keep up with all the bullshit going on, I mean, it's making me sick, sad, and lightheaded. I can't handle it, I don't know what to make out of any of this. It’s pure angst , discouraging me more and more in believing in this country and whether or not we’re going to be okay, because what’s the point in shooting for goals if we’re not?
- I keep reminiscing about a time I was in Love and how I came from that to this, how I miss her, how I miss the feeling she brought me-being in a relationship I cared about-having her-having someone to really care about, how stupid I was to fuck it all up, How I wish I had the mind I have now and had it back then, and how I'd do anything in my power – No! I’d do anything in the world, to have her back. It’s funny what something like this can do to a man, it can really ruin him.
- I'm really lonesome here throughout the week (during the weekend this appartment becomes a party house and after the party is over it seems to turn into a shelter for kids with no where to go). I was somewhat lonely in Las Vegas and years back, I even said to myself that I'm bound to be alone, because I had the notion that I always was. Now, I’m starting to believe it's true.
- I've had several interviews and I still don't have a job. It's becoming really annoying and some what discouraging to sit in this apartment waiting for a name to give a call, looking up jobs online or hoping there's an email of opportunity. PLUS having a phone that does not work out here isn't exactly helping my cause.
- I guess this adds to being lonely but aside from not having a job it's also an issue of this moment but; I really want someone to hold. I don't have that here in Seattle. Not yet at least. I'm wondering why. But in some circles, I’ve been feeling really unattractive lately, I don’t know I’, I’m going through a psychological stress period or not but it’s just how I’ve felt…